Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Secret of Good Marriage Counseling.

The carpenter uses a hammer, the mechanic a wrench. What does the marriage
counselors use to create the magic during a marital therapy session? Marriage counseling is a relatively new profession, unless you consider religious leaders as the predecessors
of the vocation. As a profession, marriage counseling is less than sixty
years old. And it is really only in the last twenty years that it has become accepted as having real value for society.

The secret of good marriage counseling is simple. It is assumed that when a
couple experiences a breakdown in their marriage, communication is the problem. And that with clear communication, solutions can emerge. So how does the therapist
create the context so that the truth can appear?

The secret is in listening for the pain, and then looking for the love. The pain
is the confusion that has gotten in between two people who began there
relationship with optimism, but now find that it has become entangled with
emotional pain, discontent and disillusionment. The pain must be released, or forgiven, for healing to occur, and it can only be released once it is stated, expressed, and understood. When a relationship is in trouble, both of the partners are in pain. One often appears more in pain than the other, but this is really an illusion. Couples mirror each other. If the relationship is to heal, both have to get in touch with their communal emotional pain, even though one may express the pain while the other is stoic.

Listening for the love is the healing work of marriage counseling. As the
pain comes out, so will the faint whispers of love and commitment be
expressed. Listening for these faint cries is the essential work of the therapist, as the couple has probably lost sight of the caring, the commitment, and the love they felt for
each other when they began their marriage. Getting both individuals in touch with that love is what heals the hurt, and rebuilds the trust. This is the skill the marriage counselor brings to the experience.

Sometimes, but not often, marriage counseling ends in a couple divorcing. Mostly, couples find ways to carry on, working through the issues until the love is permitted to return and blossom. In my experience, most marriage counseling is successful, when success is defined as carrying forward with the commitment made at the beginning of the marriage. Most couples still promise “till death do us part” and assisting two people find the love they have temporarily lost because the pain has become larger than the joy is the secret to good therapy.

The work of counseling marriages is a sacred task. The therapist is invited
into the most vulnerable places of a couples intimate relationship. The counselor is
the mediator for the marriage. The marriage is the client and the husband and the wife are seen as the two individual parts of the whole. Good marriage counseling honors the relationship, and helps both parties return to the joy and the love that was present when they started their commitment.

So what is the secret for finding a good marriage therapist? Get referrals from friends or professionals, and then talk to the therapist ahead of scheduling an appointment and ask them their philosophy and how they practice their trade. Try the therapist once, and if it doesn’t feel right or an emotionally safe place for you and your partner, immediately look for another therapist. If you are not certain the therapist you are seeing is right for you, they probably aren’t. Not every therapist is appropriate for everyone. Marriage counseling is a highly personal experience and if you do not feel honored, heard and that you can trust the therapist, find one who will serve your needs. Finding the right therapist is your responsibility; don’t expect the therapist to tell you they are not appropriate for you.

2 comments:

dimon said...

Nowadays almost married couples are facing problem in their marriage relationship and want to resolve their conflicts completely and permanently, so the good marriage counseling is best for them. The secret of good marriage counseling is very easy; counseling helps to a married couple on the foundation of Christian values and principle. Find more secrets of good marriage counselors from this site.

http://www.marriage-counselors.net/

Ms Jenn said...

Marriage counselling continues to be identified by many people with different points of views. Some are brought with the concept that marriage counselling is made for couples who have problems in relationship or are on the brink of splitting up. Additionally, a number of people believe that getting any kind of counseling isn’t a necessity in that people ought to keep their problems to themselves and do not want to have their soiled laundry strung out in public places. Some consider it an embarassment as sensitive information about the partnership of both partners is given to a stranger.
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