The Winter of our Days
by Stephen Martin, MFT.
I know, I know.
· “Growing old is not for sissies.”
· “I have no energy.”
· “My entire body aches.”
Yes, we have all heard the
disconcerting comments about aging. And of course they are one side of the aging
process. What is there to look forward to in the winter of our days?
The lessons we have learned
are not truly formed until we reach the season of winter. First comes spring, a
new birth. Then comes summer, the young adult phase. This is followed by autumn,
the adult preparation time necessary for us to face the winter of our days.
Without spring, summer and
autumn, winter would have no meaning. Winter can only be understood within the
context of four seasons. It is the winter that it all begins to make sense and
we begin to learn to finally live with ourselves.
Self-acceptance begins to
sprout, and we feel more joy and love for others than we have ever felt before.
It is not until the winter that we realize that every day really counts because
there are fewer of them before we reach the end. The capacity to living in the
“now” is one of life’s major lessons, and without that capacity, we will never
truly with at peace with ourselves. For it is living in the present moment that
allows everything to be sharper and clearer. We learn how to focus and truly
enjoy “now” rather than multitasking and ending up doing nothing while going
around in circles.
Winter is also a time for
solitude and self-reflection — not so much solitude that we become fearful of
other people, but enough that the time to think is completely available. It is
during winter that the conclusions to all our stories finally arrive and the
plot of our lives finally makes sense.
In winter, we as humans are
less hostile. They say it is testosterone in the male that creates war. With
age, testosterone decreases in the male. Maybe with aging we finally wake up to
the utter stupidity of war, and the destructive competition where others are
hurt just so we can feel like champions. Older people are nicer people. They
are not looking for a fight.
The best part of the winter
of our lives is spending time with our friends and family. Most people give and
receive such love and support in their families and circle of friends. In
winter, many of us find grand parenting. Being a grandparent is said to be one
of life’s greatest joys.
In winter the concept of love
is completed. Love is the fascination of poets, writers and singers. I have
felt love for others and I have felt it from others. I assume everyone else has
had the same experience. We cannot physically see this thing we call love, but
we can feel it. It can motivate us to action. It can cause us great pain. Love
is the ultimate glue that holds a group of people together, while war and fear
are what drive us apart.
As we age, we generally yearn
for peace. Gone are the days of outrage. Gone are the days of war. Old soldiers
fade away and furious males become gentler.
It is in the winter of our
days that it all finally comes together, it all begins to make sense, and we finally
face the wall where our consciousness and our bodies are separated.